Once I graduated from high school and got away from my abusive father, my life didn’t get a lot better. I was not being battered anymore, and that was a plus, but I had a disturbed personality, created by my past, and was making bad choices and nothing was going right in my life. The details of all these choices are in my book.
I only had a vague idea what a normal human relationship was supposed to look like, from watching others and from some of those old TV shows, like; Leave it to Beaver, Father knows best and the Donna Reed show. I picked the wrong friends and got married twice, after only knowing the person a few months. They both turned out bad. I was so disturbed and confused about life that I constantly went down the wrong paths. Though I wished for life like those on TV, it just wasn’t happening.
This is our world, and it is up to us to take care of our world and the people in it. God is there for us every step of the way. When I learned about the still small voice and started listening, I heard His words sending me in the right direction. I began to see that it is up to me to make things happen in my life. As I’ve mentioned before, God does not have a magic wand. His Spiritual creation is already perfect, but my life is the way it is because I was never taught when I was young how not to be disturbed about the things going on around me.
In the bible the writer states that after God’s beautiful spiritual creation was finished in chapter one He created man again in Chapter 2: 6, it started with “but there went up a mist from the earth,” that mist represents the disturbance in my life. It blinded me to my next best step. That mist is what divides the Spiritual creation form this human condition. The rest of the Old Testament is all about people making bad choices and learning to make better ones. People really haven’t changed much in the last 2,000 years.
Jesus tried every way he could to show us the way, and thank God some of his followers understood and were able to pass it down through the years so his teachings would not get lost and forgotten.
Sure we have advanced technologically, but we are still struggling to find our way, but that will never happen as long as we are fearful, anxious or disturbed. Little by little I was learning how not to be offended by the things people were doing or saying. What they do or say comes from their past, and has nothing to do with me. I had to, just let it go. It could not disturb me unless I let it. It was not easy at first to stop reacting, and I beat myself up many times for letting people get to me.
The definition of Disturbed is not pretty. People who are disturbed exhibit symptoms of mental illness, neurosis, phobias, obsessions, hang-ups, etc. Yuk! I sure didn’t want to be identified that way. I had to change, but my motive for change had to be pure, and not because I was fearful of how people would perceive me. I had to change because it was the right thing to do. I had to express all those good qualities that were mine, because I was the image and likeness of God, Spirit. And that likeness is spiritual.
I had to probe my beliefs and thoughts, uncover my fears and re-educate myself. My fears came from an abusive childhood, and I was long past that and didn’t need to drag those fears around with me, as they didn’t apply anymore. My father was long gone, and the people in my life now, are not going to beat on me and treat me the way he did. Another thing I learned about fear, as long as I was afraid, I was not trusting God.
These blogs sometimes take me a week to write and sometimes when I’m halfway through something happens, and I add it to the blog. I have to laugh because I went shopping yesterday, and talk about getting disturbed, that’s exactly what happened. I was all bent out of shape because clothing manufacturers are not consistent with their sizing. I wear three different sizes depending on what store or department I’m in. So I have to shop in the stores because I needed to try things on. (BTW, my daughter is now teaching me how to buy things online and get the right size.) These kids know everything. Well, she’s not exactly a kid anymore, she is 44.
OK, back to my shopping trip. As time when on I kept getting more disturbed about the sizing issue and the fact that I couldn’t find anything I wanted. I’d drag all these clothes into the fitting room, and one by one tear them off and put them in the NO pile, I became so frustrated I felt like throwing them against the wall. How childish is that? I gave up and went home. I did go home with a sweater and a blouse, but what I went after were bras and T-shirts.
When I got home I was talking with my neighbor when I realized, OMG this is just what I’m writing about this week. And I did it again. Reason and logic are my best friends. I talked it through with my friend and realized that there was absolutely nothing I could do about this sizing issue, so why was I letting it upset me so. It was just a built-in reaction for me when things did not go the way I thought they should, and I had to get it through my head that this world was not built around me and what I wanted.
This started to change my view of shopping. I will never go shopping again with any unreasonable expectations, and just be grateful for the good that does happen, and let the rest go. After all, I did get a blouse and sweater. I’m happy about that.
Learning how not to be disturbed with people and the world around us is a worthy endeavor. It made me feel calm and satisfied and created in me a sense of gentle patience.
If you find yourself being disturbed, ask yourself, why do I feel this way, is it accomplishing anything at all? Does this reaction change the situation or make me feel any better? If the answer to these questions is NO, then calm down, and let it go, or do something about it. Those are our only choices when faced with disturbance.
When we connect with our spiritual essence and start expressing God’s loving qualities, He must dance with joy.