I was sitting in my office thinking about what to write when my mind drifted back to my past. I don’t really feel a connection to it anymore. It’s like looking at someone else’s life. Even the steps to get where I am today seem like it wasn’t me. With all the healing that has taken place, I still have some minor effects that have never been resolved. They don’t interfere with my happiness, but they are there. Well, they don’t have to be; with God all things are possible. Even at seventy-six, I’m still working on improving my life, and I refuse to let a number deter my progress.
If I believe in God and trust Him, then I can have confidence that He will be at my side in whatever I do. So I’m going to overcome the last remnants of the adult effects of child abuse. I was presented with an opportunity just recently.
I feel uneasy around people I don’t know, but not to the extent I did in the past. Although, when I enter a room of strangers, I always look for a place where if necessary to leave, I can escape pretty much unnoticed. Well, I’m pleased to say that last Saturday I won that battle. I went to a Saturday Writers meeting which has about 100 + people in attendance. I’ve been to about five now, and it’s getting easier. In a crowd that size it’s easier to hide.
That day’s speaker talked about non-fiction books, which is what I have written. I had my book proposal ready and really wanted her to look at it, but the opportunity never presented itself. They meet for lunch after the meeting, and I have never gone before. I decided if I was going to get to know these people and get comfortable with them I needed to step out of my comfort zone. So when they ask for a showing of hands on how many were going to attend, I raised mine. About 20 where going.
This is a small group, and I wasn’t going to be able to hide. In situations like this, I usually pick a seat closest to the door, at the end of the table. I was the second person to arrive at the restaurant. It was time to decide if I was going to choose to hide or put myself out there. I took a breath and picked a seat right in the middle of everything. To my surprise when the speaker came in, she sat down right next to me. My heart did little flip-flops, this was meant to be. I am supposed to talk to her.
I am not a good conversation starter, always afraid I’m going to make a fool of myself. Time for another decision, am I going to live in fear for the rest of my life, or am I going to take the risk. I made the right choice.
Everything worked out perfect. I joined in the table conversation and had a nice talk with the speaker, who left with my book proposal. I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. To my surprise, I actually felt quite at ease. That would not have happened if I had sat at the end of the table. I will never look for a quick escape again.
Since then, Bobbi, the speaker, and I have exchanged several emails. Bobbi is quite gracious. She said I had a compelling story to tell. She told me it was almost impossible for new writers to get published with a traditional publishing house, but not to get discouraged that I CAN get published. She suggested that I consider self-publishing, which is what I’m going to do. She told me to call her anytime if I needed help.
Impossible, there is that word again, but fear not, I have been daring to do the impossible recently by whatever means available, and have succeeded. God did not create impossibilities, like any good parent he wants me to succeed at everything and will be there every step of the way to encourage me.
What a wonderful contact I made for my book, and it only happened because I trusted God to be there for me and not let me make a fool of myself, and listened for his guidance. I make better choices now and do not fear the impossible. If you haven’t read my blog on “Instincts, Intuition and the Still Small Voice” you might want to. It tells how God communicates with us.
Everything in life is a choice. Trust God and listen for the still small voice. He helped me, make better choices, and it changed my life. He’s there for you too, just listen and trust.