Why did I do that? Or, why didn’t I do that?

Did you ever ask yourself one of those questions? Before I started the recovery stage of life, I didn’t, but when I look back, I know exactly why I did everything. I was either protecting myself from hurt or looking for comfort and love. Very selfish motives but understandable. I hadn’t reached the stage yet where I could get out of myself. Until we understand the why’s, we can’t fix them.

When I started into the recovery stage, I asked myself that a lot. Why am I doing this, what do I expect to accomplish? Motives are very important, even in the legal system the motive is more important than the action. Understanding our motive is the key to correcting our action.

It takes courage to get out of the “me first” mode. I found that courage when I understood where it came from. We are all born with courage, it’s a part of who we are. Somewhere along the way some of us experienced things in our lives that make us afraid to use our inborn courage. We’re not even aware it’s there for us. That was me. In fact, I didn’t even know that I was suffering from the effects of child abuse. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, I just knew something wasn’t right. I was so full of fear that I could barely function on a personal level.

All the things in my previous blogs were showing how I was getting over my fear of people. Until I could interact with others on a personal level, my motives would always be flawed.

When I discovered the inborn purity that we all have, that I talked about in a previous blog, it gave me the courage to stand up for myself. We don’t have to take abuse from anyone. When I understoodd this and started standing up for myself, it was not just to protect me but also the abuser. When you prevent someone from acting out from their own worst motives you are helping them.

There was a time in my life that I was desperately looking for love. I would go out with men and sleep with them because I thought if they wanted me that meant they liked me. Wrong! When I finally learned that I wasn’t achieving my goal, which was to find comfort and love, I quit doing that. My motive was flawed, and I wasn’t getting what I was looking for.

I discovered that instead of looking for someone to love me, I should have been learning how to love others instead of fearing them. But, I had to learn first how to love myself.

As I mentioned in my first blog about, “Feel the fear and do it anyway,” to attract people to us, we must love ourselves enough to be able to express our soul qualities of love. Then you will not have to go out seeking love you will attract it to you.  My blogs are telling little by little how I learned to love myself.

In the Bible, Genisis chapter I, it states we are the image and likeness of God. He is Spirit, and we are Spiritual, and we have all his qualities. We just need to become aware of them and learn to express them in our lives.

Remember our motives should always be to help and heal.

I just read this today and decided to share it on my blog as it is about courage.

This is an excerpt from an article on Facebook about Heather “Lucky” Penney, the first female F-16 pilot at the 121st Fighter Squadron of the D.C. Air National Guard. She was the pilot of the plane that was supposed to take down the 4th plane on 911.

“In reflecting on the events of that tragic day, Penney further observes, “I’ve come to realize that heroism isn’t something unique or possessed by only a chosen few. That courage is there inside of each and every one of us.” And, to each of us she urges, “Let us never forget. But perhaps more importantly, let us remember: That there are things in this world more important than ourselves. That we all belong to and are part of something greater than ourselves. That our connection is more important than our differences. That inside each and every one of us is that courage and heroism that we were blessed with witnessing that day. That these are not unique or extraordinary qualities, but instead are common and all around us every day.”

You can read more about Heather “Lucky” Penney’s brave actions on The Washington Post at http://wapo.st/1YgbBce.

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